The Only Thing Worse Than Not Writing is Only Sometimes Writing

I love to write. I really do.

I write as often as I can, or as often as I remember to force myself to sit down and take a break from insanity.  I tried to start a blog, but failed miserably. I tried to start writing something every day and failed miserably at that too.

During the midst of these writing catastrophes, I realized that the only thing worse than not writing at all, is to fail to keep a commitment to write.  That really does suck. So though it may not always be on this blog, or public in any way, I've decided to once again attempt to write for at least five minutes every day, no matter the forum, no matter the topic.

Here's to hoping that this attempt is better than the last.

College Craziness

I have been doing nothing but thinking of college lately. Everywhere I turn, it follows me. Applications, scholarships, GPAs, letters of recommendation, visits, scholarship competitions. It's almost as though I have time for nothing else. I spend all of my time either doing college stuff, working on songs and lines for Godspell, or doing homework. It's a little bit outrageous.

I am currently working on a crazy presentation for a scholarship competition that I am attending next weekend. I have to make a 10-15 minute long presentation and then participate in a 15 minute long interview. Here's to hoping it goes well.

In addition to the presentation, I have to do a crap ton of work for history, practice everything for Godspell, and hopefully take at least three minutes to just breathe so that I don't get way to stressed out and end up institutionalized. I spend all of my time being way too stressed out.

Thankfully, I have great friends who help me stay calm and have fun. This weekend Hallie and I went to Fayetteville and watched the Razorbacks gymnastics meet against Nebraska. She was way more involved than I was of course, but it was really fun getting to watch all of the gymnasts. Also, we felt like legit grown-ups, because we made this trip completely solo. We drove by ourselves, got a hotel room by ourselves, and stayed alone overnight in a town four hours away from home. I felt seriously weird when I was booking our hotel room because I should NOT be old enough to do that by myself. It was crazy. But we had a lot of fun, and thankfully our hotel wasn't too sketchy. Our first completely solo road trip was a great success!

It was, indeed, a great trip and weekend. Better than the last. :)

Mind Games

We once again I suppose I should start my post by apologizing for my lack of posts. I know, I suck at blogging. One of these days maybe I'll actually remember to blog and then more people will actually follow me and then there will actually be a point to my blogging. But until then, all I can do is say sorry to a nonexistent audience. How terrific.

Well I broke up with Koree. Two days ago now, and I know that's horrible timing because, I mean, it's Christmas Break, when everything is supposed to be happy. But, you know, I wasn't so I decided that I had to do something about it. I mean, I wasn't rude about it. I was very nice. I had my reasons, and I believe that they were very good reasons, and I sought out the advice of a couple good girlfriends and they thought my reasons were very good too. But naturally, he had to make it hard on me by not accepting it and fighting and arguing about it. Naturally. And then, to top it all off, after professing his love for me and begging me to reconsider, he goes and gets a new girlfriend THE NEXT DAY. Some love, right?

Anyway, this other guy has started texting me a lot the past few days. And I know what you're thinking, I'm not any better than Koree right? Wrong. I did nothing to encourage this guy, I don't even know for sure if he does like me, and I don't plan on doing anything about it at the moment. I just want to figure out my life, figure out what I want, and if things end up going in his direction at some point... Well then I guess that's where my life is leading. If not, then oh well. I just need a nice break from stupid boys, because apparently my judgement isn't the best, if we're basing it on my past few choices.

But on to these mind games that I speak of. This guy that's been texting me... Well he's confusing. He always says things and makes these comments that could definitely be taken as, I guess we'll call it, "interest." But at the same time, they don't necessarily have to be taken that way. They could be completely innocent, or completely full of connotation, though if they're innocent he needs to calm down on his casual flirtatiousness, because really, that's just a bit much for just having a little bit of fun.

And the thing is, I don't even know yet if I'm interested in him. I mean, he's totally the type of guy I would generally go for, but there's a bit of baggage to the situation that makes it a little more risky than your average guy. And plus, I just got out of a relationship so how am I supposed to know for certain what I want yet? So I guess I'm kind of glad that he's keeping me guessing at the moment because at least that way I get a little more time to figure out what I want.

Oh well. All I can say is that I'm way happier now that I got the courage to go through a breakup, and I'm not stressing about it anymore. This day is definitely better than the last.

My Tech Problems

So I have had some serious technilogical issues. My blogging has been all but nonexistant, which sucks because I really love the outlet.

Anyway, I have an amazing new boyfriend Koree, whom I love, and that's definitely new, so there's that. Also, he has decided that he is going to enlighten me into the world of gaming, because I am totally not a gamer and apparently I should be. I've never played Call of Duty, never played Halo, and until yesterday I had never played Modern Warfare. I was playing with Koree and his friend Trey, and a few of my friends were there watching, and it was one of the most hilarious things ever. The girls were sympathizing with me because they knew that they would have been just as wonderful as I at the game, but they boys were rolling with laughter. Except Koree, who managed to keep a straight face as he assured me that my gaming inability didn't cause him to love me any less. He even paused his game and put his remote control down at one point, and walked away from the game to talk to me. Apparently that constitutes a keeper.

So anyway, he's very determined to slowly introduce me to video game world, and he said he's going to start me on Tetris. I'm a little insulted because I can ideed play Tetris. I grew up playing that, SuperMario and Donkey Kong. I mean, I'm not a complete loser, I have SOME experience. Just not in any of the modern games. The ultimate goal of this quest is, I believe, to have me playing Wonderland. I have no idea what that is. My boyfriend is such a geek, and I love it.

Anyway, I've finally managed to get my computer issues fixed, so hopefully I'll be blogging again, and I will try my hardest to not forget. I do have a horrible memory.

Oh well. I must now eat a wonderful lunch, prepared by my mother, for my entirely family who is randomly in town. This has been a great day so far. Heck, it's been a good week. Most definitely better than the last.

The Fears of an Eavesdropper

As I sit in AP Literature, blogging from my handy dandy iPhone, eavesdropping (inadvertently) on the conversations of my surrounding classmates, I start freaking out. They are talking about college, something that I am definitely not prepared to listen to or think about. College is scary. Tr real world is scary. Embarking on the crazy adventure of life is scary. I don't like scary.

But rapidly the conversation changes. Now I hear criticism of the Twilight franchise, followed by praise of that of Harry Potter (they have their priorities straight), followed by a general agreement that most people anymore don't watch movies made before the year 2000. Which is very sad. There are some great movies made before the 21st century, movies that are decades old. Funny Face, Casablanca, The Wizard of Oz for goodness sakes! People are do unfortunately deprived food entertainment these days.

Which leads my mind to the severe lack of culture in my tiny Arkansan town. We have no theater, no opera house, no veritable museum. This is, for lack of better assessment, a hick town, inhabited densely byhose who spend their weekends drinking beer while watching the NASCAR race or out fishing. Not that I'm discrediting fishing, but people should really travel a bit, see a play, gaze upon some fine art. Take advantage of opportunity people! I myself do not claim to be "cultured," whatever that may entirely encompass, but at least I try. I enjoy a good museum, I've seen more plays and musicals than your average person, and I would gladly jump on the chance to take a little jaunt outside the country or attend an opera. Call me crazy, or desperate to experience new things. Either way, I want it.

Ans now I'm back to adventure, back to living life well, having fun while doing so, all while being scared to death. Lovely. What a way to live.

Remember

Remember all the times we had. Remember how we laughed and cried. Remember how we loved each other. Remember how we promised we'd always be friends, for the rest of our lives.

Remember how we all got along in preschool and kindergarten. Remember how we all played together. Remember how we ran and jumped and climbed. Remember how we raced to the swings. Remember how we figured out the perfect combination of kids to put on each side of the see-saw, so that we could all see-saw together. Remember elementary crafts, and class pets. Remember growing older and going to middle school.

Remember being too cool for see-saws. Remember walking around and talking during recess. Remember when we played sports together. Remember how we used to be best friends. Remember matball in P.E. Remember traveling to basketball games and doing ridiculous things. Remember my mom braiding everyone's hair before a game. Remember our first cell phones. Remember starting band. Remember being in choir together. Remember growing older and going to junior high.

Remember not being in the same classes with everyone all day. Remember all of our crazy teachers. Remember Ms. George, who said she didn't like us, but really did. Remember learning to type correctly in keyboarding. Remember struggling through that first year of advanced math. Remember struggling through that second year of advanced math. Remember struggling through that third year of advanced math. Remember getting a good grade in all three of those classes. Remember having to make pillows in Home Economics. Remember playing pep songs at our first football game. Remember our first pep rally. Remember traveling to volleyball games and playing Truth or Dare on the bus. Remember the first year of summer band, and the second, and third, and fourth. Remember learning to march, and our first half-time show. Remember how if felt when we won our first contest. Remember thinking about how old all the seniors were. Remember when we got our permits. Remember going to Orlando. Remember growing older and going to high school.

Remember feeling like the old kids. Remember having Mr. Sparks, and always pulling pranks on him. Remember how everyone could do all of their math because of him. Remember everything we learned from him besides math. Remember getting our driver's licenses. Remember all the things we hit with our cars. Remember all the times we complained about wearing our band uniforms. Remember all the football games we won, and lost. Remember all the band contests we went to. Remember how we always complained about English in 10th grade. Remember how we couldn't stand our Spanish teachers. Remember how we loved Mrs. Huff and Mrs. Weygandt. Remember how we drug ourselves through the Nations game. Remember how we forced ourselves to do a History Day project. Remember how we always goofed off in Study Hall. Remember all the great times we had a play rehearsal. Remember all the high notes we sang, rounds of the awkward game we played, and lines we didn't really memorize. Remember Matt Nathanson, Maroon 5, and Train. Remember going to San Antonio. Remember watching all of our friends graduate and go to college. Remember finishing our junior year with the realization that we had only one year left. Remember Drama class, and choir, and band, and English, and History, and Math.

Remember everything, because it's almost gone. Remember everything, because everything is worth remembering. Remember our friends, our boyfriends and girlfriends, our teachers. Remember all the times you did something stupid. Remember every time we got teary eyed from laughing so hard. Remember all the movie nights, the dance parties, the road trips. Remember school and all the work we did, how we thought we would explode from all the stress. Remember applying to colleges and for scholarships. Remember acceptance letters, and choosing a college. Remember our last night as high school students. Remember getting our diplomas. Remember being done, and how we felt when we accomplished that goal that we've been working toward for the past eighteen years. Remember our final moments with our friends before we become college students. Remember our last summer together. Remember everything.

Remember all the times we had. Remember how we laughed and cried. Remember how we loved each other. Remember how we promised we'd always be friends, for the rest of our lives.

Remember me.

Georgia

Georgia.

This is my topic for my informational speech for Oral Communications. And not the state. Or the country. This Georgia happens to be one of the most awesome, most amazing, best friends in the entire history of the UNIVERSE!

Good thing I know a whole stupid bunch about her. This should be easy. And what's better, she is writing her speech about a topic almost as wonderful: me! We are going to have a lot of fun interviewing each other for this.

She is sitting beside me, currently reading what I am typing, but about thirty seconds ago she was working diligently, writing down random tidbits of information about yours truly. I have been doing nothing. She is very clearly a better student than I am.

Also, never google my name, because if you do, you will find out that I am dead, and I very clearly am not.

It's only first period, but this day is already looking to be better than the last!